Some Star Wars/Sith comments

I love some of the comments on this page. I love them so much, I'll add my worthy retorts:

7. Why is the death star at the end half-finished if it takes another 17 years to complete it?

Hmmm. Ever seen a building go up? The frame takes a couple of days, the walls/windows take four times as long, and the paint and carpets take-for-fucking-ever.

That's why!

7. (again). How does Amdiala give birth to children without eben opening her thighs?

Ever heard of a c-section? She was dying. It was urgent. The kids were at risk.

14. The day we put star wars up to critical analysis is the day we loose what attracted us to it in the first place; the enjoyment we got out of it when we saw it as kids who knew no better.

Too true. Nevertheless, I'll continue (although in my defence, I'm picking holes in the critical analysis, not in the film)...

20. Need a quick end the clone wars in your script? Just have your guy hyperspace to the trade federation planet and kill all the trade federation guys. It takes like fifteen seconds of script.

And an insider who turns traitor!

20 (again). If you’ve written a script that is utterly devoid of any characters we care about, logical plot structure, dramatic tension, or believable dialogue– just throw in a shitload of CGI effects and change scenes really quickly. Itll look like a video game and nerds will love it.

Why not? It's worked for so many other films and people love it. Why should Star Wars be any different? That's like shouting when Microsoft do something bad, and then creaming your pants when Apple do the same thing.

29. So [the Jedi Council] have talked about looking for this Sith Lord for many many years and yet with all their knowledge of force, they couldn’t tell he was a few blocks over in another building?

Spoiler warning: The bad guy has the Force as well!

Just like the USA can't always find Soviet submarines because the bad guys have also got radar-efficient reflection...

29 (again). Another thing, Obi-wan gets his ass kicked by Dooku when they were trying to save Palpatine and Anni kills Dooku (I’m assuming because Anni said his powers have grown 20 times stronger or whatever since their last meeting as I’m sure he’s been able to train quite a bit…lol). So then at the end of Episode III, Obi-wan kicks Anni’s ass and leaves him for dead…this after we assume Anni gets even stronger with the dark side of the force. Maybe it’s like starting over though, his main job is now with the dark side so after killing the separatists he gained like Level 2 in the dark side and Obi-wan is like at Level 55 in the good side…whatever…stupid stupid stupid.

Hmmm. The arrogant kid assumed he was better, and got his balls cut off as a result. Not at all like real life, eh?

31. If you bought a Coke that tasted bad, and then second one also tasted bad, would you buy another? George Lucas is laughing at you every time he looks at his bank statements.

Fair point. I assume everyone that moans about Sith won't be watching the Clone Wars cartoon?

34. If Qui-Gon has just discovered the “secret of eternal life” - i.e.: the glowing afterlife special limited edition action figure trick, how does Anakin know how to do this at the end of Jedi??

HE HAD 20+ YEARS TO DO IT!

42. When you’re on a ship that apparently uses some kind of artificial gravity, and the ship tilts and starts a rapid fall into a planet, the artificial gravity will suddenly no longer work, and rather than being in freefall you’ll fall planetward faster than the ship.

Maybe you've got it wrong. Maybe the artificial gravity broke, and they were being thrown UP the ship by simple difference in acceleration (same as those planes that do a skip in the atmosphere to fake no-gravity). But that would look odd on screen. But what do I know about physics? More than some, I suspect...

49. Why don’t they use the force to turn off the other guy’s light saber?

Love it!!!

58. And why couldn’t Jedi Master Obi-Wan use the force to knock the little robots off his space ship? It can be used to pick up an X-wing fighter out of the swamp, but cannot push little robots off a space ship.

HE WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SPACE BATTLE. MAYBE HE WAS FECKIN' BUSY!!!

63. Then this pile of Sith comes along...

Witty, even if I disagree.

69. No one’s commented on the fact that Palpatine, in talking about how he killed his own dark lord, Darth something or other, essentially admitted that the dark lord created Anakin. Palpy said his lord could coax midichlorians into creating life. Annie’s mother said to Qui-jon that there was no father in Annie’s conception. The Jedi council wonders if the midichlorians created Annie. So Annie’s father was (sort of) the dark lord that Palpatine killed. So Annie’s mother could have known that dark lord, and perhaps knew Palpatine as well. Does it have any real bearing on the story? It does if anyone cared about how Annie came to be.

Hmmm. Nice idea!!!

Episode 0.5 anyone?

81. And George Lucas’s lasting achievement as a filmmaker? He must be the only director on the planet who can make Samuel L. Jackson dull.

'Nuff said.


I've only one personal criticism.

"To avoid the Sith from killing the twins, let's hide them and change their names. We'll put Leia away on Alderaan and call her Leia Organa, and we'll hide Luke away on Tatooine and call him Luke Humperdinck. No, wait, that's just stupid...."

posted by Blakey UK @ 1:02 pm